GREAT NAMES IN THE RENTAL BIZ

 
Arvids Jansons. I got his desk when he left.

Argero Vassileros. Nickname: Argie.

Michael Bielemuk.  The Professor. He had floor-to-ceiling bookshelves.

Maria Malfundido. A kleptomaniac. She stole light bulbs from the hall so we glued the bulbs into the sockets.

Saram Carmichael. A transvestite who solicited customers from her second-floor window. The johns waited at the bus stop under her window.

Stan Hershfield. At the time, one of the few Jews on the West Side. He loved the word bubkes (beans), as in: “Stratton, I have bubkes so don’t hondle me about the rent.” [Hondle is haggle.] When Hershfield painted the natural wood floor in the kitchen, he yelled, “Only the best, Stratton, Benjamin Moore!”

Malfalda Bedrossian. She was never late with her rent.

Chris Andrews.He had a regular name but slept in a coffin every night.

Merjeme Haxhiraj. She talked me down $10 every year on her rent.

Patience Osuma. She wasn’t patient. She had multiple beefs and maybe thought she was living in the Ritz.

John “Chip” Stephens. He played jazz piano all day and was good enough to land a tenure-track teaching job at a university in Missouri.