10 HAPPY TIPS FOR 2017
1. Wear shorts to a wedding. You’ll draw attention away from the bride, to you, where it belongs.
3. Start a doo-wop band.
4. Invent a new colonoscopy flavor. (Pineapple, cherry, lemon-lime and orange are already taken.)
6. Trade diarrhea stories with a friend over a campfire.
7. Convert to Christianity (or Judaism). Why spend your life in only one religion? See what’s out there.
7. Spend at least $1,000 on watches.
8. Re-watch Napoleon Dynamite.
9. Spy on your neighbor to learn what kind of beer and Smucker’s, he or she consumes. If you see Sugar Free Apricot, call the police.
9. Buy insurance for fun one afternoon.
10. Hold a pen horizontally in your mouth and bite down until the ink cartridge explodes. This activates the same muscles that create a smile.