Real Music & Real Estate . . .

Yiddishe Cup’s bandleader, Bert Stratton, is Klezmer Guy.
 

He knows about the band biz and – check this out – the real estate biz too. So maybe he’s really Klezmer Landlord.
 

You may not care about the real estate biz. Hey, you may not care about the band biz.  (See you.)
 

This is a blog with a gamy twist. It features tenants with snakes and skunks, and musicians with smoked fish in their pockets.
 

Stratton is an occasional contributor to the New York Times, the Times of Israel, the Cleveland Plain Dealer and City Journal. He won two Hopwood Awards.


 
 

THIS BUILDING IS
NOT PARTY CENTRAL

 

These are my Greatest Hits (letters) to tenants:

1. Dear Tenant, The building manager heard you yelling, “I’m a porno star and a sex machine,” out your window. This isn’t the only time this has occurred.

2. Dear Tenant, You flicked 20-to-30 cigarette butts out your window. Some of these butts landed on cars and left burn marks. This must stop!

3. Dear Tenant, You got in a fight with a female in your apartment and tore the door jamb off. Also, you have slipped unsolicited notes under the door of other tenants. That can be construed as sexual harassment, depending on the content of the notes. You are a self-described drunk. That, too, won’t do here — at least outside your apartment.

4. Dear Tenant, There was very loud recorded music coming from your suite between 3-5 a.m.  That’s when people sleep. You aren’t living in a dormitory.

5. Dear Tenant, You were incessantly buzzing a neighbor’s entry buzzer, banging on a neighbor’s back door, and banging on your ceiling. You phoned me and said a neighbor’s cat was annoying you by running across your ceiling. Tenants are allowed to have cats. The tenants pay extra for cats.

6. Dear Tenant, The hallway smells outside your apartment. You need to clean up immediately. 

7. Dear Tenant, you and a female visitor were drunk and screaming in the parking lot. She lay down on the ground. She could have gotten killed.

8. Dear Tenant, You disturbed other tenants’ sleep at 3 a.m. by loud talking, running through the halls, and kicking on the locked door.  Three tenants complained.  Three — that’s serious. Please understand, this building is not party central.

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5 comments

1 Irwin Weinberger { 07.01.15 at 9:57 am }

Wow! I can see it now. The latest sit-com called”Party Central” starring Klezmer Guy.

2 don friedman { 07.01.15 at 11:38 am }

I lived in apartments for years and I never heard any complaints about anyone. Oh, wait………I played in bands all night and slept all day. It’s a wonder my rent was always on time!

3 don friedman { 07.01.15 at 11:41 am }

Now that I think of it…..a landlord should only rent to musicians……they are out all night, come back tired, sleep all day, and wake up and go back to work.

4 Ken Goldberg { 07.01.15 at 3:38 pm }

These are exactly the types of situations that would have convinced my brother, who stayed in Rochester, to not continue our father’s work in managing the family real estate.

5 Dave Rowe { 07.02.15 at 7:28 am }

And I think I’VE got bad neighbors…….

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