13 HEALTH TIPS FOR CHANUKAH (AND THANKSGIVING)
This is KlezFiction. The complete KlezFiction series is here.
These 13 health tips are from my new e-book, The Klezmer Guy Tune Up, (which makes a great Chanukah gift!)
2. Sing the beginning of “The Star-Spangled Banner” every morning. It’s a major triad, 5-3-1. It’ll align you.
3. Prick yourself. If your blood isn’t bright red, immediately eat potato chips. Any brand. For the salt.
4. Therapy is always worth it, but don’t pay more than $150/hour.
5. Eat sardines once a week. Lightly smoked Chicken of the Sea, in oil, is your best bet.
6. You need a gum graft. Get it now!
8. Don’t knock Miller Lite. It does the job.
9. Visit a pawn shop today and buy a power tool. Get outside your bubble!
10. [For Catholics only: carry a smartphone at all times. Sainthood is hard to prove if you don’t have good documentation.]
11. Eat a marshmallow with your dark chocolate. This helps your stomach absorb the flavenoids.
12. Gamble. It fine-tunes the nervous system. Try craps first.
13. Use Arby’s Horsy Sauce on all your salads, fish and fries. It’s better for you than even tomato sauce.
There is no Klezmer Guy Tune-up book. Like I said, this is KlezFiction.