THE JEWISH FAKE BOOK
It wouldn’t cost much for me to open a klezmer store. I have several vacant storefronts.
I could put my store — call it the Klezmer Shack — next to the Bass Shop. The Bass Shop doesn’t sell basses, but string players brake for it anyway. The Bass Shop is a bait and tackle store.
Some of my merchandise:
The Jewish Fake Book by Velvet Pasternak. Useful for anybody who wants to pass as a Jew. You’ll learn your way around seltzer and freylekhs (horas). Plus you’ll learn the Hebrew lyrics to “Jerusalem of Gold” and “Bashana Haba’a.”
Yiddishe Cup latkes.
Dave Tarras’ Freilachs, Bulgars, Horas — 22 clarinet tunes, handwritten by the master himself. I got my copy in Delray Beach, Florida, from the widow of Harold Branch, the late New York bandleader.
Irwin Weinberger’s autoharp. Please buy it! (Irwin is Yiddishe Cup’s singer.)
Harold Branch’s Club Date Handbook. You’ll learn what to play when the caterer wheels in the Viennese dessert cart at a 1968 New York bar mitzvah party. For the flaming jubilee, play “Funiculi, Funicula.” (For the main course — the roast beef — play “I’m an Old Cowhand.”)
Clarinet neck straps. Hard to find. We have them.
Clarinet travel bags. Ours are imported from the Pilot truck stop, Lodi, Ohio.
Seven Kleveland Klezmorim Sound of the World’s Soul LPs, 1985. Never opened.
Footnote: There is a Klezmer Shack website, run by Ari Davidow, who is allowing me to use the name for my store, I think.
Yiddishe Cup plays First Night Akron (Ohio) 6:15 p.m. Sat., Dec. 31.
Here’s a video by Kasumi, who teaches at the Cleveland Institute of Art. She won a 2011 Guggenheim Fellowship for her vid work. This video is Yiddishe Cup.