{"id":9839,"date":"2012-06-06T08:00:56","date_gmt":"2012-06-06T12:00:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/?p=9839"},"modified":"2014-03-03T08:21:52","modified_gmt":"2014-03-03T13:21:52","slug":"the-yiddish-policeman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/2012\/06\/06\/the-yiddish-policeman\/","title":{"rendered":"THE YIDDISH POLICEMAN"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

Klezmer music<\/strong><\/span> was popular for a second in the mid-1990s.\u00a0 I protected talent — the klez stars.\u00a0 The klezmer scene had stars back then.\u00a0\u00a0 Andy Statman<\/a>, for instance.\u00a0 Small stars.<\/p>\n

For security, I hired Cleveland toughs.\u00a0 \u00a0I didn\u2019t import Israelis from New York.\u00a0 I had Albanians and Ukrainians from Cleveland\u2019s West Side.\u00a0 One of my guys — a goy from Lvov — had Yiddish tattoos and played tuba in a klezmer band back home.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m still at it — security work.\u00a0 My office is on Mercantile Road in Beachwood.\u00a0 No sign.\u00a0 We\u2019re in back of Pella Windows.<\/p>\n

I tore<\/strong><\/span> down a Royal Castle hamburger stand and had the tiny orange crown tiles (like on the Ontario license plate) inlaid in my company\u2019s lunchroom floor.\u00a0 I\u2019m putting in an indoor sliding board. \u00a0My place is one of the \u201cTop 10 best places to work in Ohio.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0I chose it.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I do collections — rent collections.\u00a0 Tenants scream at my Ukie boys: \u201cYou can\u2019t put my shit out on the street!\u201d\u00a0 And my boys scream back: \u201cYou<\/em> break law.\u00a0 You no pay<\/em> rent.\u00a0 Now we <\/em>break law!\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve got \u2019tude, but I\u2019m also a nice guy. \u00a0I\u2019m involved in the community.\u00a0 I hire summer interns from the Beachwood High wrestling team, like Sam Gross 112, Alec Jacober 130, Ryan Harris 125.\u00a0 These guys can squeeze through small openings.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\u201cYou Want<\/strong><\/span> to be a Jewish Cop?\u201d — that\u2019s the title of my annual lecture at Beachwood High career day.\u00a0 I say: \u201cBe a cop, kids, but don\u2019t be a wussy <\/em>cop.\u00a0 Don\u2019t be like that\u00a0cop at\u00a0Heinen\u2019s parking lot with the Harpo Marx Jewfro.\u201d<\/p>\n

I still listen to klezmer. \u00a0 I like the music. \u00a0I\u2019m friends with Bratton — Steve Bratton — the leader of Klezmer Cup.<\/p>\n

I know every yidl <\/em>by name in Cleveland.<\/p>\n

Call me.\u00a0 I\u2019m in back of Pella Windows.<\/p>\n

—-<\/span><\/p>\n

SIDE B<\/big><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

This one, on the other hand, is real.<\/small><\/em><\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

TICKETS <\/big> <\/big><\/strong><\/p>\n

Scott Raab,<\/strong><\/span> a writer and former Clevelander, carries a ticket from the 1964 Browns-Colts championship game in his wallet.<\/p>\n

I have a ticket to that game too.<\/p>\n

Retrieved from my attic . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Raab’s ticket<\/strong><\/span> was part of an ESPN.com story about how Cleveland sports teams haven\u2019t won a championship lately. This story — or a version of it — is recycled regularly. Raab put his ticket on the cover of his new book, The Whore of Akron<\/em>, about LeBron James ditching Cleveland.\u00a0 (Read the book.)<\/p>\n

The Cleveland Browns beat the Colts 27-0 in 1964. My Uncle Al, my dad, and I went to the championship game. Maybe my dad knew Cleveland would never win another championship. He was just a lukewarm Browns fan.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

I have this ticket too, Scott Raab:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The 1964<\/strong><\/span> Davis Cup finals in Cleveland.<\/p>\n

Chuck McKinley was short. Roy Emerson was short. I was short. I was at the Davis Cup tournament. My mother bought me the ticket (which was expensive — in today’s dollars $72), and I went by myself.<\/p>\n

In Cleveland Heights, a temporary 7,500-seat tennis stadium appeared next to a junior high in 1964. Fred Stolle and Emerson from Australia played America’s Dennis Ralston and McKinley. (Stolle and Ralston weren\u2019t short.)<\/p>\n

The Australians<\/strong><\/span> won 3-2. The score was beside the point. The 1964 Davis Cup was the best sporting event ever.<\/p>\n

—-<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>I have\u00a0 an essay, “And What’s That on Your Head?”<\/span><\/a>, in the current issue of\u00a0CJ: Voices of Conservative \/Masorti Judiasm<\/em>,\u00a0 the house mag\u00a0 of Conservative Judaism.\u00a0 (A version of the story appeared on this blog 1\/5\/11, titled “Yid Lids.”)
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

—<\/span><\/p>\n

Yiddishe Cup plays Parade the Circle<\/a> this Sat. (June 9), noon, University Circle.\u00a0 Best arts event in Cleveland ever.\u00a0 Ride your bike down there, locals.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Klezmer music was popular for a second in the mid-1990s.\u00a0 I protected talent — the klez stars.\u00a0 The klezmer scene had stars back then.\u00a0\u00a0 Andy Statman, for instance.\u00a0 Small stars. For security, I hired Cleveland toughs.\u00a0 \u00a0I didn\u2019t import Israelis from New York.\u00a0 I had Albanians and Ukrainians from Cleveland\u2019s West Side.\u00a0 One of my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,26,17,18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9839","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cops-and-robbers","category-fake-profiles","category-klezfiction","category-sports-pages"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9839","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9839"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9839\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19005,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9839\/revisions\/19005"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9839"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9839"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9839"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}