![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/stand-up-cops.jpg\" "\\"stand")
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Cleveland cop<\/strong><\/span> Tommy Alusheff moonlighted as a comedian, using the stage name Morey Cohen — a conflation of Morey Amsterdam and Myron Cohen (two of Alusheff\u2019s favorite comedians).\u00a0 Morey Cohen worked at Hilarities and other regional comedy clubs, plus he did some out-of-town gigs, like in Los Angeles.<\/p>\n Morey Cohen\u2019s father, Chris Alusheff, owned the Baker Candy factory in Collinwood.\u00a0 Chris Alusheff\u00a0 once told me Jews like dark chocolate more than gentiles like it.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Kashrut<\/em>?\u00a0 (Kosher dietary laws?) \u00a0\u00a0Probably.\u00a0 \u00a0The Alusheffs were Macedonians. \u00a0 Their best-selling product was chocolate-covered whipped candy eggs, sold at Easter time.<\/p>\n Tommy Alusheff (Morey Cohen), about 2009<\/p><\/div>\n Morey Cohen died last year.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t go to the funeral; I only knew him by reputation.\u00a0 Morey wasn\u2019t in the Sixth District, which had been my police beat.\u00a0 (I was a\u00a0 reporter in the 1980s.)<\/p>\n The top comedy cop<\/strong><\/span> at the Sixth District had been Paul Falzone, a stand-up guy, but not a stand-up comedian.\u00a0 Falzone was almost<\/em> ready for prime time.\u00a0 I hung out with Falzone in the burglary unit at the East 152nd Street station, aka The District, the cop shop.\u00a0 The building had few windows.\u00a0 It was a fortress, built after the 1967 Hough riots.\u00a0 When the A\/C went out in the building, it was a real sweat shop.\u00a0 Falzone said, \u201cI have eight minutes of material to Morey\u2019s twelve.\u201d<\/p>\n Falzone asked me, \u201cHow are the Jewish holidays treating you?\u201d\u00a0 It was September.<\/p>\n \u201cFine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve got to watch for neo-Nazis,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n Mob makeover<\/p><\/div>\n “Everyone <\/strong>has<\/span><\/span> to watch for somebody.\u00a0 Italians, they got to watch out for other Italians; you start your car and it goes ba-boom instead of vroom.\u00a0 The Irish, they got to watch for Jack Daniels.\u00a0 Hey, how can you tell Ronald McDonald at a nudist colony?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s the one with sesame seed buns.\u201d<\/p>\n Falzone ran for county sheriff,\u00a0 and president of the patrolmen\u2019s union.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t win either.\u00a0 He eventually became police chief of Bratenahl, a suburb.\u00a0 Now he’s running for mayor of Bratenahl.<\/p>\n Paul Falzone, 1982, at the Sixth District<\/p><\/div>\n Two years ago<\/strong><\/span> Cuyahoga County tried to put Falzone in jail for theft.\u00a0 Something about drugs and guns missing from the Bratenahl property room.<\/p>\n Falzone was acquitted.\u00a0 Now he\u2019s suing Bratenahl for \u201chumiliation.\u201d\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t sound funny, but Falzone can probably get some jokes out of it.\u00a0 Bad<\/em> jokes. He needs only four more minutes to match Morey Cohen . . .<\/p>\n \u201cSo I’m on patrol, and I walk into the Viking bar.\u00a0 I see a 16-year-old punk with a Miller\u2019s. \u00a0I say, \u201cWhen\u2019s your birthday, kid?\u201d<\/p>\n He says,<\/strong><\/span> \u201cOctober 10.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat year?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEvery year.\u201d<\/p>\n —<\/a><\/a><\/a>
\nFootnote: The Sixth District became the Fifth District\u00a0 in 2008, when the Cleveland Police Department reapportioned the districts.<\/small>
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\nFrom illustrator Ralph Solonitz<\/a>\u2019s Parade of\u00a0 Nations collection:
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