{"id":34092,"date":"2026-03-17T10:04:31","date_gmt":"2026-03-17T14:04:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/?p=34092"},"modified":"2026-03-17T10:05:59","modified_gmt":"2026-03-17T14:05:59","slug":"im-no-longer-an-embarrassment-to-my-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/2026\/03\/17\/im-no-longer-an-embarrassment-to-my-family\/","title":{"rendered":"I’M NO LONGER
AN EMBARRASSMENT
TO MY FAMILY!"},"content":{"rendered":"

 
\nI have some troubled relatives. One of my siblings thinks I’m his personal ATM. He’s always going in and out of jail. Small stuff, but I have to bail him out. And then there’s my cousin Shelly, who is a doofus; he used to steal my car from my driveway and just drive it around and smash it somewhere. I finally got a video cam on my house.<\/p>\n

Next, I<\/em> wound up in jail. Everybody’s minds were blown; “Bert wound up in jail!” <\/em>I\u2019m 75 and the last guy you\u2019d expect in jail, right?\u00a0 I mean, you read this blog. My relatives gloated.<\/p>\n

\"\"Here’s\u00a0 the story. One night I took a Valium, which I’m wont to do on occasion, and got in my car. I know, “Don\u2019t handle heavy machinery or operate a fork lift.” I wasn\u2019t going to chain-saw any trees. I was driving to Fairmount Circle for some ibuprofen. I smashed into a mailbox.<\/p>\n

A United States mailbox costs $5,000. I know, believe me.<\/p>\n

The cop made me walk a line, which I couldn\u2019t. He handcuffed me and took me to the Shaker Heights jail. Going into the cell at the police station, I said, \u201cYou got any espresso?\u201d I was trying to lighten the mood. No go.<\/p>\n

I sat in the cell for six hours — me, a toilet and a sink. Finally my brother — the one who is always hitting me up for money — bailed me out for $176, cash.<\/p>\n

Now I’m on a year’s probation. And don’t forget the 5K for the mailbox. And there was another 4K for the lawyer.<\/p>\n

Was it worth it? Yes. I’m no longer an embarrassment to my family. I’ve been to jail!<\/p>\n

[fiction]<\/em><\/small><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  I have some troubled relatives. One of my siblings thinks I’m his personal ATM. He’s always going in and out of jail. Small stuff, but I have to bail him out. And then there’s my cousin Shelly, who is a doofus; he used to steal my car from my driveway and just drive it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-34092","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-miscellaneous"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34092","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34092"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34092\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":34184,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34092\/revisions\/34184"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34092"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34092"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34092"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}