{"id":33846,"date":"2025-12-23T10:03:42","date_gmt":"2025-12-23T15:03:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/?p=33846"},"modified":"2026-03-10T13:27:46","modified_gmt":"2026-03-10T17:27:46","slug":"im-buying-up-cleveland","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/2025\/12\/23\/im-buying-up-cleveland\/","title":{"rendered":"I’M BUYING UP CLEVELAND"},"content":{"rendered":"

 
\nI grew up in Manhattan next-door to where John Lennon was killed. My parents ran an art gallery. They still do. They have a place in Switzerland and<\/em> New York. I ran the Switzerland office for a while.<\/p>\n

But I’m tired of the whole arts scene. I want out. I’m 30. I want to hang around with oil men, real estate guys and cowboys. Men who have never read the New York Times,<\/em> particularly the Style section.<\/p>\n

In college, at Kenyon, I had a roommate, Schwecky from Cleveland. I visited Cleveland a couple times with him and fell in love with the place. People in Cleveland have lawns and don\u2019t pay $3000\/month for a one-bedroom.<\/p>\n

I have a one-bedroom in Cleveland Heights for $1200. Tricked out too. Marble countertops, dishwasher. I’m going to use my nest egg (courtesy of my old man) to buy up Cleveland. I can buy Cleveland’s whole East Side, I figure, for what my parents\u2019 Central Park West condo goes for. But my dad wants me to stay in New York. No thanks. One question, Pops: what can I buy in New York for 1.5 million? Gornisht!<\/p>\n

I’m hanging around with hustlers in Cleveland and loving it. This town \u2013 Cleveland’s East Side at least \u2013 is just old Jews, and when these boomers hear I\u2019m from New York, they say, \u201cI have a daughter in Brooklyn for you!\u201d I groan. Those Brooklyn girls are trying to get jobs with my folks at the art gallery.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve made some errors here in Cleveland, like an old Jew had me over for dinner and quizzed me on a couple things, and I guessed a milk chute is \u201cmaybe for the seltzer delivery,\u201d and I didn’t know what treelawn<\/em> meant.<\/p>\n

I don’t think I’m ever leaving Cleveland. Cleveland Heights — where I live — is like Hoboken. Nice. Urban. But not too<\/em> urban.<\/p>\n

When I’m with my folks in the city, just going down to the deli for a sandwich is a major proposition. The crowd, the line, the elevator. I got mugged once. Eighth grade. Some kids pushed me over and took my book bag.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t walk much in Cleveland. The roads here are bare — empty. There is infrastructure here for twice as many people as there are people. These are the wheels I’m going to buy:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

fiction<\/small><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  I grew up in Manhattan next-door to where John Lennon was killed. My parents ran an art gallery. They still do. They have a place in Switzerland and New York. I ran the Switzerland office for a while. But I’m tired of the whole arts scene. I want out. I’m 30. I want to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-33846","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fake-profiles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33846","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33846"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33846\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":33887,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33846\/revisions\/33887"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33846"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33846"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33846"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}