{"id":27067,"date":"2019-12-25T08:00:41","date_gmt":"2019-12-25T13:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/?p=27067"},"modified":"2020-01-17T09:15:56","modified_gmt":"2020-01-17T14:15:56","slug":"11-health-tips-for-chanukah","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/25\/11-health-tips-for-chanukah\/","title":{"rendered":"11 HEALTH TIPS FOR CHANUKAH"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993366;\"><strong>1. Eat<\/strong> <\/span>your latkes and shut up.<\/p>\n<p>2. Start every day by singing \u201cThe Star-Spangled Banner.\u201d\u00a0 The song begins with a major triad, 5-3-1, which will straighten your spine.<\/p>\n<p>3. Prick yourself, and if your blood isn\u2019t bright red, eat potato chips &#8212; any brand &#8212; for the salt.<\/p>\n<p>4. Eat sardines, lightly smoked, in oil. Make sure the can says &#8220;Chanukah oil.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>5. You need a gum graft. Get it now.<\/p>\n<p>6. Don\u2019t knock Miller Lite. It does the job.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993366;\"><strong>7. Visit<\/strong> <\/span>a pawn shop and buy an amp.<\/p>\n<p>8. [For Catholics only. Remember, sainthood is hard to prove, so document everything. Video on.]<\/p>\n<p>9. Eat dark chocolate. It&#8217;ll help your stomach absorb the flavonoids. And make sure your gelt is Belgian.<\/p>\n<p>10. Gamble more. Try craps. Craps is more fun than dreidl.<\/p>\n<p>11. Try Arby\u2019s Horsy Sauce on salads, fish, latkes and fries. It&#8217;s better for you than tomato sauce.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>1. Eat your latkes and shut up. 2. Start every day by singing \u201cThe Star-Spangled Banner.\u201d\u00a0 The song begins with a major triad, 5-3-1, which will straighten your spine. 3. Prick yourself, and if your blood isn\u2019t bright red, eat potato chips &#8212; any brand &#8212; for the salt. 4. Eat sardines, lightly smoked, in [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-27067","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-miscellaneous"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27067","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27067"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27067\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27231,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27067\/revisions\/27231"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27067"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27067"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27067"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}