{"id":22807,"date":"2015-04-08T08:00:52","date_gmt":"2015-04-08T12:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/?p=22807"},"modified":"2015-05-07T18:30:19","modified_gmt":"2015-05-07T22:30:19","slug":"the-dirtiest-apartment-ever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/2015\/04\/08\/the-dirtiest-apartment-ever\/","title":{"rendered":"THE DIRTIEST APARTMENT EVER"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

Evelyn had<\/strong><\/span> the dirtiest apartment. Her bathtub was black, like she never used it. There were about 50 roaches in the tub. Lots of beer and liquor bottles around. Cigarette butts everywhere.<\/p>\n

\"roach<\/a>I told her to clean up, or I would call the health department on her. I had already dropped about $2,000 on an exterminator for the building, mostly because of her.<\/p>\n

She cleaned up. Then I put her on month-to-month; I wanted the flexibility to end the lease if she got sloppy again.<\/p>\n

She got<\/strong><\/span> cleaner. Not Martha Stewart clean, but no roaches either. She said she wanted to talk to me. I stood outside her door. She said, \u201cHow do I know it\u2019s Bert Stratton?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure. Take your chances.\u201d<\/p>\n

She let me in and immediately called me an asshole and said I had disrespected her with the month-to-month lease. She had been on a 12-month lease for 21 years. She also asked for a new refrigerator, plus a two-year lease with a discount for the first six months. She wanted a new kitchen sink cabinet, too. And she wanted her stove removed. \u201cI don\u2019t even use it,\u201d she said. I looked at the stove.\u00a0 \u201cNo,\u201d she said, \u201cLook at me. Look me<\/em> in the eyes. You have disrespected me all these years. Think of all the money I\u2019ve saved you by not having to redecorate every couple years. To you, I\u2019m an asshole.\u201d<\/p>\n

Not true.<\/strong><\/span> I liked her spunk. But I shouldn\u2019t have stopped in; I should have had let the building manager handle it, which is always cheaper for me. Evelyn said. \u201cI was in a coma for a couple years. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so messy here. I was a little out of it.\u00a0 If you come back in two weeks, it\u2019ll look even cleaner. I\u2019m opening a business here.\u00a0 I\u2019m bringing in customers here.\u201d<\/p>\n

I offered her a one-year lease with a $5 increase and a new refrigerator.<\/p>\n

She said no thanks.\u00a0 She said, \u201cJust for shits and giggles, what do you want for this place?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe entire<\/strong><\/span> building?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEight-hundred thousand.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou got it. I\u2019m buying it from you.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Hasn’t happened.)<\/p>\n

—
\n“Evelyn” is a pseudonym.\u00a0 Here’s a pic of another dirty apartment — not Evelyn’s.\u00a0 Top 5:
\n<\/em><\/small><\/p>\n

\"huebner<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Evelyn had the dirtiest apartment. Her bathtub was black, like she never used it. There were about 50 roaches in the tub. Lots of beer and liquor bottles around. Cigarette butts everywhere. I told her to clean up, or I would call the health department on her. I had already dropped about $2,000 on an […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22807","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-landlord-biz"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22807","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22807"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22807\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23036,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22807\/revisions\/23036"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22807"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22807"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22807"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}