{"id":17940,"date":"2014-12-03T08:00:41","date_gmt":"2014-12-03T13:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/?p=17940"},"modified":"2015-03-25T09:51:47","modified_gmt":"2015-03-25T13:51:47","slug":"i-envy-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/2014\/12\/03\/i-envy-you\/","title":{"rendered":"I ENVY YOU"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

I envy<\/strong><\/span> you. That’s not good, but I can\u2019t help myself. I envy a lot of people.\u00a0 For instance, I envy the patients at the Cleveland Clinic. They are among the 1,700 sickest people in the city.<\/p>\n

The Clinic is the fourth-best hospital in the country, says US News & World Report<\/em>. I envy that number-4 ranking.\u00a0 I’d like to be fourth best at something. Fourth shows mastery and<\/em> modesty.<\/p>\n

I want to walk through the Clinic in a white lab coat.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I just<\/strong><\/span> did . . .
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Palliative Care, Desk C-20. People are dying and feeling OK about that.\u00a0 I envy that \u201cfeeling OK\u201d part.\u00a0 I take drugs but don\u2019t feel that good.<\/p>\n

Pain Management, H-70. The patients there don\u2019t know what pain is!\u00a0 My car has terrible static on 91.5 FM — the jazz station. That\u2019s<\/em> pain.\u00a0 What\u2019s your BMI?\u00a0 I\u2019m 23.33 kg\/m2.\u00a0 My pulse is 53 —\u00a0 slightly higher than a dead man’s.\u00a0 If your pulse is lower than mine — and you’re not dead — I envy you.<\/p>\n

Dermatology, G-50.\u00a0 The doctor took full-body naked pics of me.\u00a0 TMI.<\/p>\n

Eye Clinic,<\/strong><\/span> I-20.\u00a0 Floaters to my left, floaters to my right.\u00a0 Nice.\u00a0 At the eye-clinic parking lot, I told the toll attendant, \u201cYou\u2019ve got the most dangerous job in the world, because half the people coming out of here are blind.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a> \u201cDon\u2019t you know it,” he said. “This is the third time we\u2019ve fixed the turnstile this month.\u201d\u00a0 I envy him the crashes he sees.<\/p>\n

Envy Clinic, NV-50.\u00a0 I’m here for a while.\u00a0 Will report back in a month.<\/p>\n

—
\n Fake profile.<\/small><\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I envy you. That’s not good, but I can\u2019t help myself. I envy a lot of people.\u00a0 For instance, I envy the patients at the Cleveland Clinic. They are among the 1,700 sickest people in the city. The Clinic is the fourth-best hospital in the country, says US News & World Report. I envy that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17940","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fake-profiles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17940","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17940"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17940\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22983,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17940\/revisions\/22983"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17940"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17940"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17940"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}