![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/home\/yiddis6\/public_html\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/11\/toilets.jpg\" "\\"toilets\\"")
<\/a><\/p>\nSome excellent <\/strong><\/span>free activities are sex, talking about the weather, and defecation.<\/p>\n A few more: dreaming, library books, jaywalking.<\/p>\n I sell toilets — not<\/em> free.<\/p>\n You want a urinal?\u00a0 What kind?\u00a0 Stainless steel?<\/p>\n When I<\/strong><\/span> sleep, I see gold and brown dots, and movement.\u00a0 It\u2019s entertaining and free.\u00a0 I have a friend who sees bright lights — red and black — when he falls asleep.\u00a0 I don\u2019t.<\/p>\n People say, \u201cHey, look out your window and get some sensory stimulus.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s fine, but I prefer looking inside toilets.\u00a0 The blank looks I get.<\/p>\n How about a 0.8 gpf for $150 total?\u00a0 Would you buy one?\u00a0 Niagara Stealth.\u00a0 How about five Stealths at a discount?<\/p>\n I say,<\/strong><\/span> \u201cI know you don\u2019t want to talk about toilets, but think of the sudden shifts, the transitions, the swoosh.\u201d<\/p>\n A good bowel movement is as good as sex; Harvey Pekar, the comic book writer, said that.\u00a0 I sold 10 toilets to Stratton — this blog’s author — with that literary crap. The froth, the bubbles, the shine.<\/p>\n <\/em> I still <\/strong>have<\/span><\/span> an intensity, to this day, that goes back to age 21. Yes, my life is scarier now that I’m 35, but I’m not at “flush” yet.\u00a0 \u00a0 I have a slick pack of possibilities, and I appreciate deep listening.<\/p>\n Gurgle.<\/p>\n Lavatory<\/em> means sink<\/em> to a plumber. Commode, yourself!\u00a0 By the way, you look like an elongated toilet seat.<\/p>\n When a stranger takes off her pants and sits on one of my toilets, that\u2019s a good feeling — a fragile catastrophe, a tinge of very heavy weight, a grand opening.<\/p>\n The key factors: the empathic rictus, the squeeze, the brilliant flash.<\/p>\n It’s all binary.\u00a0 One and two.\u00a0 Map it.<\/p>\n