I had tin snips that cut right through corrugated steel roofs.<\/p>\n
This was several years ago.\u00a0 Now I\u2019m retired and live a fairly quiet life.\u00a0 I\u2019d rather not say where.<\/p>\n
I belong<\/strong><\/span> to no clubs and don’t go out.\u00a0 I watch sports on TV. I have an intense appetite for the Browns, Indians, sausage and hash browns.<\/p>\n I never got married.\u00a0 I should have. There was this gal in the 1970s — Roz Falk.\u00a0 She loved me, but I wasn\u2019t ready. \u00a0I was 45.\u00a0 Schmuck!\u00a0 Me.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I was in the Marines.\u00a0 A lot of people don’t know that.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t stand it.\u00a0 I was in for six months. Semper Fidelis<\/em> was plain bullshit to me.\u00a0 Latin bullshit.<\/p>\n You ever<\/strong><\/span> notice how Italians use that kind of bullshit language?\u00a0 It\u2019s very big with them.\u00a0 If you\u2019re Italian, you\u2019re better than the next guy.\u00a0 You can be the biggest, dumbest fuck on two feet, but if you\u2019re Italian, you\u2019re it.<\/p>\n I have enough spaghetti and wine in my veins to be Italian.\u00a0 Believe it.\u00a0 And the goddamn hot peppers, I can eat a whole mason jar full.<\/p>\n Funny, I grew up in a deli — a Jewish deli — on Kinsman in Cleveland.\u00a0 I remember the pickles best.\u00a0 The cukes were right in the goddamn basement.\u00a0 They were delicious.\u00a0 And the goddamn gherkins . . .<\/p>\n My family<\/strong><\/span> disowned me after Marion.\u00a0 A nice Jewish boy in the joint.\u00a0 Not exactly kosher.\u00a0 I did three years in Marion, then eight in Chillicothe. \u00a0I haven\u2019t talked to any relatives in, I bet, 30 years.<\/p>\n When I got out — the last \u00a0time — I made a clean slate of things.\u00a0 I sold stained glass to restaurants.\u00a0 Completely legit. I didn\u2019t like it.<\/p>\n I never<\/strong><\/span> killed nobody. I…did…not.\u00a0 I was an accomplice, yes that\u2019s true, but I never killed nobody. The chickenshits from Murray Hill, they did.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t have my abilities.\u00a0 I did everything that took a brain, and they stood around with their hands in their pockets, except when it came to guns.<\/p>\n I\u2019m paranoid.\u00a0 That has saved me — being paranoid.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sometimes you know a place is a death trap. It\u2019s all trial and error.<\/p>\n My biggest<\/strong><\/span> mistake . . . You know?\u00a0 Quitting high school.\u00a0 I thought I knew more than the teachers.\u00a0 Schmuck! Again.<\/em> I could have been an engineer.<\/p>\n I hung with the older boys who ran a stolen butter and cigarette ring on Woodland.\u00a0 An old fat Jew — the Eggman — was in charge.\u00a0 I rigged him up a walkie-talkie.<\/p>\n I eat wieners and Coke.\u00a0 Love that combo. \u00a0I remember when I pinched three cases of sausage from Red Barn.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t fence it.\u00a0 I ate it all.<\/p>\n I\u2019m in<\/strong><\/span> menopause — male menopause.\u00a0 I\u2019m 79. The docs talk about that on TV.<\/p>\n I love my TV set.\u00a0 It don’t talk back to me.\u00a0 Perfect.<\/p>\n I ain’t got nobody, just my TV.<\/p>\n I do have a record . . .<\/p>\n NAME:\u00a0 JOSEPH A. MOSKOWITZ — —<\/span> I was out of my skull.\u00a0 I broke into boxcars and unloaded Cutty Sark, golf balls and tires.\u00a0 On a bad night, tennis shoes. I had tin snips that cut right through corrugated steel roofs. This was several years ago.\u00a0 Now I\u2019m retired and live a fairly quiet life.\u00a0 I\u2019d rather not say where. I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11554","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fake-profiles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11554","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11554"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11554\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19002,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11554\/revisions\/19002"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11554"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11554"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11554"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/home\/yiddis6\/public_html\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/criminal-record-sausage.jpg\" "\\"criminal")
<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a>I went back to stealing. The hardest part was carrying the loot.\u00a0 I was that <\/em>good.<\/p>\n<\/a>It\u2019s all a head game — crime.\u00a0 Keep your mouth shut and show your intelligence, and you\u2019ll be fine. It has worked for me most of the time.<\/p>\n<\/a> I don’t have a dime anymore. I spent everything I ever earned.\u00a0 I blew it all on cards, broads and racehorses — owning horses.\u00a0\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t deal with the thickheaded Italians at the racetrack, so I got out, but not before I was broke.<\/p>\n
\nALIAS\/NICKNAME:\u00a0 JOE MOSCOW
\nDOB: 12-11-1933
\nFACIAL ODDIITES:\u00a0 UNK
\nFACIAL HAIR:\u00a0 GOATEE
\nSPEECH:\u00a0 POLITE
\nCOMPLEXION: MED
\nMISSING BODY PARTS:\u00a0 UNK
\nGENERAL APPEARANCE:\u00a0 UNKEMPT
\nTEETH:\u00a0 UNK
\nSCAR\/BIRTHMARK\/MOLE: \u00a0UNK
\nTATTOO: UNK
\nWT:\u00a0 305
\nHGT:\u00a0 5-8
\nADDRESS: UNK
\nCONVIC: MANSLAUGHTER, AGGRAV BURGLARY, LARCENY, KIDNAPPING, CRIMINAL TOOLS, GRAND LARCENY<\/p>\n
\nThis is the latest in a series of\u00a0 fake profiles.\u00a0 (Cyberspace needs them!)
\n<\/em><\/small><\/p>\n
\nJack Stratton’s latest Kickstarter campaign is up.\u00a0 Something about<\/span> a <\/span>half-Jewish German-American band<\/span>, Vulfpeck.\u00a0 The Kickstarter staff — as well as Bandcamp people — picked the project as a fav. <\/span>Check it out here<\/a>.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"