{"id":9296,"date":"2012-04-25T08:00:29","date_gmt":"2012-04-25T12:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/?p=9296"},"modified":"2016-05-21T16:07:06","modified_gmt":"2016-05-21T20:07:06","slug":"buy-one-dog-get-one-free","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/2012\/04\/25\/buy-one-dog-get-one-free\/","title":{"rendered":"BUY ONE DOG, GET ONE FREE"},"content":{"rendered":"

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One dog<\/strong><\/span> isn\u2019t enough. \u00a0When I walk around Horseshoe Lake by my house, I see a lot of people with two dogs.<\/p>\n

On my last walk, I saw five people with two dogs, and one schnook with a schnauzer.<\/p>\n

My family was a one-dog family for 13 years.\u00a0 This was before the two-dogs-are-mandatory rule in the Heights.\u00a0 My family\u2019s dog, Sammy, was a meshugenner<\/em> who liked to play in traffic and bark a lot.<\/p>\n

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Sammy<\/p><\/div>\n

I Hate Barking Dogs<\/span> was my bumper sticker, so I had a problem.\u00a0\u00a0The barking dog was my <\/em>dog; I couldn\u2019t call the cops.<\/p>\n

The other<\/strong><\/span> day I called my cousin Howard in Colorado; he told me he had been up since 5 a.m. because of barking dogs.<\/p>\n

My wife, Alice, is bugged by our neighbors\u2019 barking dogs.<\/p>\n

We have new neighbors on the other side.\u00a0 The day they moved in, I said, \u201cGive me the bad news.\u00a0 How many dogs do you have?\u201d<\/p>\n

The neighbor<\/strong><\/span> said, \u201cNone.\u00a0 My daughters are allergic to dogs.\u201d\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t believe it.\u00a0 \u00a0Even if he turns his house into a crack den, I\u2019m ahead.<\/p>\n

Years ago \u2013- when I lived on Oak Road — I approached a neighbor and said, \u201cYour dog is barking.\u201d<\/p>\n

The woman stared at me, at her dog (who was yapping 24\/7 on a chain in her backyard) and said, \u201cNo, he isn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t<\/strong><\/span> \u201chear\u201d the dog barking, and she certainly didn\u2019t hear me.<\/p>\n

Our dog, Sammy, was a standard poodle.\u00a0 Supposedly poodles are smart and non-allergenic.\u00a0 Doubtful on both counts.<\/p>\n

My kids in particular loved Sammy, who died exactly when the youngest kid went off to college.<\/p>\n

I knew the pediatrician John Kennell.\u00a0 He should have had two dogs.\u00a0 Him.\u00a0 Nobody else.<\/p>\n

—<\/span><\/p>\n

This clip is “Critters” . . .<\/span><\/p>\n