{"id":18192,"date":"2014-05-14T08:00:44","date_gmt":"2014-05-14T12:00:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/?p=18192"},"modified":"2014-05-13T07:57:44","modified_gmt":"2014-05-13T11:57:44","slug":"the-last-days-of-the-shah-of-iran","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/2014\/05\/14\/the-last-days-of-the-shah-of-iran\/","title":{"rendered":"THE LAST DAYS OF
THE SHAH OF IRAN"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

During the<\/strong><\/span> last days of the shah of Iran, I taught Iranian teenagers at a fly-by-night ESL school in Cleveland.<\/p>\n

I punched a kid from Hamadan.\u00a0 The school director called me into his office and said, \u201cWhat\u2019s with the discipline problem all of a sudden? These kids are under 18.\u00a0 We\u2019re liable.\u201d<\/p>\n

I apologized to the principal and promised I wouldn’t punch anybody . . . else that day<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Javad <\/strong>\u2013-<\/span>\u00a0another Iranian — flicked a pen into the air during class and said, \u201cExcuse me, is this toss<\/em>?\u201d I was in the middle of teaching the song \u201cTom Dooley.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Solheil \u2013- Iranian #3 — said:\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cDooley<\/em> means dick<\/em> in Farsi.\u201d<\/p>\n

I punched Soheil.<\/p>\n

Javad interrupted, \u201cAnus<\/em> is asshole?\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t touch Javad.\u00a0 I just punched Solheil!<\/p>\n

The<\/strong><\/span> principal<\/strong><\/span> wasn’t happy with me.\u00a0 My students were smaller than me, and the principal was very solicitous of them; he washed the kids\u2019 clothes in Woolite and presented each new student with a can of Right Guard.\u00a0 He also took the kids bowling, to the art museum, and threw parties. He took the boys to the dentist, the visa office, the optometrist, and the jeans store.<\/p>\n

The principal was also the school owner, and he was burning out.\u00a0 He said to me, \u201cI don\u2019t know what stinks more — an Iranian or nine cats. These sons of millionaires have two undershirts and two underpants, and I still don\u2019t know color they are.\u201d<\/p>\n

The ESL school didn’t last.\u00a0 I wonder where the principal is. [Google<\/em>: Washington state.]\u00a0 I bet the Iranians are in California.\u00a0 I never see Iranians here. But if I ever do see an Iranian, I’ll punch him just for old time’s sake (assuming he is under 5-5 and 110 pounds.)<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

I-ran a school<\/p><\/div>\n

—<\/span><\/p>\n

I have an essay up at City Journal,<\/em>\u00a0 “Tales From Landlordia.”<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

During the last days of the shah of Iran, I taught Iranian teenagers at a fly-by-night ESL school in Cleveland. I punched a kid from Hamadan.\u00a0 The school director called me into his office and said, \u201cWhat\u2019s with the discipline problem all of a sudden? These kids are under 18.\u00a0 We\u2019re liable.\u201d I apologized to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18192","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-coming-of-age"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18192","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18192"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18192\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20075,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18192\/revisions\/20075"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18192"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18192"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18192"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}