{"id":18094,"date":"2015-02-18T08:00:03","date_gmt":"2015-02-18T13:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/?p=18094"},"modified":"2015-02-18T21:00:56","modified_gmt":"2015-02-19T02:00:56","slug":"piss-money","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/2015\/02\/18\/piss-money\/","title":{"rendered":"PISS MONEY"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

People <\/strong><\/span>say I\u2019m a good businessman.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because I’m not around.\u00a0 Gone — outta here — is a sign of brilliance, particularly in Cleveland in February.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not in Arizona, California or Florida.\u00a0 I\u2019m in Mexico.\u00a0 I’m in a pueblo<\/em> just south of Mexico City.\u00a0 (I’d rather not say exactly where.)<\/p>\n

I invest;<\/strong><\/span> that\u2019s what I do, even on vacation.\u00a0 I own a tube hotel\/spa.\u00a0 (I do excellent foot massages.) \u00a0My tube hotel is old sewer pipes:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

And I analyze the Mexican market for fun.\u00a0 Educated Mexicans are often snobs; when I raised the price on my tube hotel to $50 a night, the rich Mexicans came.\u00a0 Lower than $50, nobody showed up.<\/p>\n

I own half interest in a tortilla school, too.\u00a0 Tourists make tortillas and tamales.\u00a0 I freeze their products and sell the extra at the local market. Rule one: El que no transa, no avanza<\/em>.\u00a0 (If you don\u2019t cheat, you don\u2019t advance.)<\/p>\n

\"\"My most<\/strong><\/span> successful business is WCs — bathrooms.\u00a0 I charge 5 pesos (40 cents) a piss. Everybody urinates, am I right?\u00a0 Am I right?\u00a0 I keep my toilets USA tidy.\u00a0 Everybody likes that.<\/p>\n

When my friends in Cleveland write, I say, \u201cYou don\u2019t want to come here.\u00a0 This is Mexico: Montezuma’s revenge, stray dogs, narcotraficos<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 My friends stay away.\u00a0 That’s good!<\/p>\n

The locals seem to like me — or at least put up with me. I attend\u00a0 the town hall meetings, and on fiesta days I pass out brooms, mops and small coins — piss money.<\/p>\n

Stream it.<\/p>\n

—
\nThis is a fake profile.<\/small><\/em><\/p>\n

—<\/span>
\nLocals, come to Nighttown <\/a>next Wednesday, Feb. 25.\u00a0 7 p.m.\u00a0 The Klezmer Guy Trio. $10.\u00a0 One-stop shopping for Aretha’s “I Say a Little Prayer,” klezmer and prose blurts.\u00a0 Make a reservation. It was pretty full the last time we did this show (2013). 216-795-0550.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Alan<\/a>

Alan Douglass (L), Bert Stratton and Tamar Gray<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

People say I\u2019m a good businessman.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because I’m not around.\u00a0 Gone — outta here — is a sign of brilliance, particularly in Cleveland in February. I\u2019m not in Arizona, California or Florida.\u00a0 I\u2019m in Mexico.\u00a0 I’m in a pueblo just south of Mexico City.\u00a0 (I’d rather not say exactly where.) I invest; that\u2019s what […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18094","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fake-profiles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18094","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18094"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18094\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22775,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18094\/revisions\/22775"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18094"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18094"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18094"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}