{"id":15722,"date":"2013-09-18T08:00:02","date_gmt":"2013-09-18T12:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/?p=15722"},"modified":"2013-09-17T18:24:57","modified_gmt":"2013-09-17T22:24:57","slug":"mothers-%e2%80%99hood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/2013\/09\/18\/mothers-%e2%80%99hood\/","title":{"rendered":"MOTHER’S \u2019HOOD"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

This is a fake profile . The complete fake-profiles series is here<\/a>.<\/em><\/small><\/p>\n

My mother<\/strong><\/span> collects rents.\u00a0 She tracks down delinquent tenants every third of the month.\u00a0 She’s a bit forgetful — she misplaces checks — but she still makes the rounds, chasing tenants.\u00a0 She\u2019s 80 and owns 38 units on the East Side of Cleveland.<\/p>\n

She wants me to do the collecting. I don\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t mean to be disrespectful, but I don\u2019t want to dun 22 year olds for their rent.\u00a0 I prefer to be at work; I\u2019m a lawyer, and have been for 29 years.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>I have<\/strong><\/span> manilla folders with notes from my mom.\u00a0 She collects legal clauses like some old ladies collect Hummels. I once tried to streamline her five-page lease but she wouldn\u2019t let me. She instructs her tenants to use a string mop.\u00a0 That\u2019s in the lease! Why?\u00a0 What 22 year old even owns a mop?<\/p>\n

My mother hides apartment keys everywhere, and says to me, \u201cNow this<\/em> key is to that <\/em>room, which is next to this <\/em>door. Turn right, and reach your hand around the corner and it\u2019s on this<\/em> ledge.\u201d<\/p>\n

I have to write all that down. My sister is in Texas. It\u2019s all on me.<\/p>\n

I ran<\/strong><\/span> into Bert Stratton, the real estate blogger, the other day.\u00a0 His klezmer band really should hang it up.\u00a0 How long have they been around?\u00a0 Pass the torch (Havdalah candle), Bert!\u00a0 Bert always asks me the same thing: \u201cWhat are you going to do when your mother dies?\u201d<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to collect rents and fix leaky toilets, Bert, understand?<\/p>\n

Bert says he understands that, but then mentions the real estate gig is, if nothing else, parnassah<\/em>.\u00a0 Bert likes to sling Yiddish.\u00a0 Sling this<\/em>, Bert: Va fangool<\/em>!\u00a0 (Parnassah<\/em> means livelihood in Yiddish.)<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve got a livelihood!\u00a0 I\u2019m 54 with a successful law practice.<\/p>\n

Stratton:<\/strong><\/span> \u201cReally, what are you going to do when your mother dies?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCall you, Bert.\u201d<\/p>\n

That shuts him up.<\/p>\n

No disrespect to anybody.<\/p>\n

—<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"For more on the landlord biz, check out my interview on NPR<\/a> yesterday, from the show\u00a0The Story<\/em>.\u00a0 I got my 15 minutes.\u00a0 No, 20 minutes.\u00a0 It’s long, yet amusing.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is a fake profile . The complete fake-profiles series is here. My mother collects rents.\u00a0 She tracks down delinquent tenants every third of the month.\u00a0 She’s a bit forgetful — she misplaces checks — but she still makes the rounds, chasing tenants.\u00a0 She\u2019s 80 and owns 38 units on the East Side of Cleveland. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15722","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fake-profiles","category-landlord-biz"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15722","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15722"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15722\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16559,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15722\/revisions\/16559"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15722"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15722"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15722"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}