Drain flies aren\u2019t bad.\u00a0 Roaches aren’t bad. Mice are nothing<\/em>.<\/p>\n Two-hundred dead flies in an apartment — that\u2019s bad. I saw 20 in the bathtub alone.\u00a0 The building manager said, \u201cI killed them with spray.\u201d<\/p>\n I said, \u201cWhere are you hiding the body?\u201d\u00a0 I meant the dead body.<\/p>\n Swarma<\/p><\/div>\n Another 50<\/strong><\/span> dead flies were by the window in the living room. The apartment was vacant.<\/p>\n I called \u201cWhat do you mean by metallic?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBlue or<\/strong><\/span> green?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019re big <\/em>flies,\u201d I said \u201cYou see them all the time, like on horses.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, excuse the expression — they\u2019re shit flies.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes.<\/strong><\/span> My manager says he has 500 dead ones in his vacuum cleaner. I need you over here.\u201d<\/p>\n The flies were officially called blow flies, and are attracted to carrion and excrement.\u00a0 The bug man found a nook above the drop ceiling in the bathroom that we had missed.\u00a0 He hit it.<\/p>\n The flies are gone now. \u00a0I wonder what was up there.\u00a0 I didn’t look.<\/p>\n 2. THE SCRAPPER<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n I was looking for a scrapper to take a dilapidated, nonfunctioning boiler out of an apartment-building basement. The boiler was sitting in the basement, minding its own business, but the city inspector said it had to go.<\/p>\n I called a heating company, which suggested I hire them and an asbestos-removal company to remove the old unit.<\/p>\n Instead,<\/strong> I<\/span><\/span> contacted Charles the scrapper and said,\u00a0 \u201cWhat are the chances of you doing this job and just taking the good stuff — the metal — and leaving behind a mess?”<\/p>\n “I don\u2019t do it that way.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been doing this all day — all my life \u2013 and I do it right,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n The boiler consisted of eight cast-iron sections, each about 200 pounds.\u00a0 And it was down a flight of steps.\u00a0 The boiler was the size of a VW bus.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s what<\/strong><\/span> I do,\u201d Charles said.\u00a0 \u201cGet rid of it.\u201d<\/p>\n But I didn\u2019t use Charles.\u00a0 I used Daryl, another freelance scrapper. Daryl got to the job site long before Charles and gave me a good price: free. \u201cI\u2019m here and I\u2019m ready,\u201d Daryl said.\u00a0 That counted for something.<\/p>\n —<\/span>![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.yiddishecup.com\/blog\/home\/yiddis6\/public_html\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/swarma1.jpg\" "\\"swarma\\"")
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\nthe pro exterminator. The bug man’s secretary said, \u201cAre they metallic \u2013 the flies?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n
\nI wrote this one,\u00a0 “The Nostalgia Vortex,”<\/a> for today’s CoolCleveland.com.\u00a0 I was raised by a village — Norge Village.
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