LET ME PULL YOUR COAT,
I served an eviction notice on an artist — a tenant — who was late with her rent. When I handed her the eviction paper, she yelled at me, “I was going to pay the rent, but not now!”
My father had sent me. She was a painter — a real artist.
Aubrey, another tenant, wrote for an alternative weekly. Aubrey wrote my dad:
Allow me to pull your coat, Mr. Stratton, to something. Where do you get off raising my rent? I had to spend last winter in my kitchen because the bedroom ceiling caved in.
Would you like my bill for cleaning up the plaster? My services do not come cheaply, Mr. Stratton.
Aubrey was a meshugener — my dad’s take.
My dad told Aubrey to waive his privacy rights so we could get into his apartment to fix the problem.
Aubrey wrote back: “Quite bluntly, Mr. Stratton, keep out.”
But we got in and made the repairs, and Aubrey stayed another year.
I saw the painter at an artists’ party about a year later. I didn’t say hi. She didn’t recognize me. Good.
I never saw the writer again. Also good.
“Aubrey” is a pseudonym.
180-degree turn . . .
I’ve made millions in gambling. You probably know that because I’ve written about it a lot.
Nevertheless, some readers still believe I inherited my money.
I work hard for my money. I play video poker, and not at some tribal casino in Oregon. I play at Vegas casinos that offer the best margin. I demand a 99.5 JOB (jacks-or-better) edge.
I tip well and live well.
Do I play video poker all day?
Yes, and I love it.
My ex-wife didn’t love it. She tried to control my bankroll. Nobody controls my bankroll!
I’m a known quantity here in Vegas. For a while I had a radio show. I coughed so much on air, I got fired. What did the producer want? I’m in smoky casinos 12 hours a day;I’m lucky I can breathe, let alone cough.
I administer an online forum, Millionaire VP. No smoking on my site.
I’m filing w-2Gs totaling $400,000 for 2013. The ex-mayor of San Diego lost $13 million on video poker. Don’t be her. Be me.
Lots of royal flushes, everybody!
My website, VP Millionaire, is here.
(This post, Side B/The Gambler, is part of the fake-profile series.)