Real Music & Real Estate . . .

Yiddishe Cup’s bandleader, Bert Stratton, is Klezmer Guy.
 

He knows about the band biz and – check this out – the real estate biz too. So maybe he’s really Klezmer Landlord.
 

You may not care about the real estate biz. Hey, you may not care about the band biz.  (See you.)
 

This is a blog with a gamy twist. It features tenants with snakes and skunks, and musicians with smoked fish in their pockets.
 

Stratton is an occasional contributor to the New York Times, the Times of Israel, the Cleveland Plain Dealer and City Journal. He won two Hopwood Awards.


 
 

HI, MIDDLE AGE

Jimmy Sollisch, a friend, plays basketball at age 53.  But he’s hurting.  Jimmy has plantar fasciitis and is temporarily out of action.

Diagnosis: Alter Kockeritis

I’m glad Jimmy is hurt.  Guys in their fifties, they think they’re going to be pain-free forever.  It’s sick fun to watch them get zapped by the middle-age hand buzzer.

I ran into Ken Kurtz, who was on Penn’s all-star lacrosse team.  Not now.  In 1955.  Ken is 78, but looks 65.  He played singles tennis until several months ago.  He said, “You have to know when to quit, but it’s impossible to know.  I never know.”  Ken has stopped playing lacrosse, squash, basketball and, now, singles tennis.  His advice: “Take up painting.”

I said, “I already do things like that.”  (Like klezmer music.)

Jimmy — the basketball player –  wants to play basketball at 70.  That’s like climbing Mount Everest.

Jimmy’s “painting” is cooking.  He makes an excellent roasted lamb.

Sacrifice the lamb, kid.  That’s the way to make it to basketball at 70.

Every decade or so, I throw out my elbow braces, thumb splints and knee braces.  Sometimes I get emotionally attached to the stuff, and it’s hard to throw out certain items.  Like, if you sleep with a molded arm splint for three months, you can’t just pitch it.

My friend Carl wears a knee brace when he plays tennis.  I refuse.  Knee braces are crutches.

I threw out my “clarinet tendinitis 1991” notes and exercise diagrams.

I did biofeedback back then.  I did it just once.

I went to a blind masseuse who believed in inducing terrific pain in me.  His dog should have stopped him.  Deep tissue, deep purple.   He was accused of  rape.  (Different customer.)

I have a new bag of orthotics — mostly knee braces and exercise diagrams.

I’m supposed to balance on one foot for 30 seconds with my eyes closed.

Try it.  If you succeed, you are completely well.

You shouldn’t have read this.  You might become “worried well.”

7 comments

1 Mark Schilling { 02.22.12 at 10:01 am }

I try not to do the same cardio two days in a row. If I run on Monday, I climb the Stairmaster on Tuesday and ride the stationary bike on Wednesday. Rinse and repeat. The idea is to minimize wear-and-tear on my 62-year-old bod. So far it’s working. So far. But I ain’t playing basketball.

2 Richard Grayson { 02.22.12 at 12:51 pm }

I am living with my 85yo father for the winter. He gets up every weekday at 3am and goes out to the high school track and walks tree miles. Then three days a week he plays racquetball with my 56yo brother or my other brother’s 51yo girlfriend, and half the time he wins. But everything hurts him.

I am going to a new podiatrist tomorrow. I couldn’t walk for four days due to posterior tibial tendonitis and then that got better and turned into plantar fasciitis. I don’t play any sports, never did, but I exercise to one of those easy PBS-type TV shows like “Classical Stretch” or “Power Yoga” or “Body Electric.” And I do 50 push-ups and three sets of the core strengthening stuff I was prescribed 10 years ago for sciatica. Something always hurts.

I find that my friends who are totally sedentary have the fewest bodily complaints.

3 Bill Jones { 02.22.12 at 1:50 pm }

Got to get into orthopedics. They’ll be your salvation. As a runner for 40 years, a hip replacement made me a new person. True, I’m not going to be running again unless I want another replacement in 10 years, or less. But for virtually every other activity the pain’s gone and with physical therapy I’m revitalized. They make them for knees and shoulders, too. So many people are getting them, its going to bankrupt Medicare. So do yours soon.

4 B Katz { 02.22.12 at 8:50 pm }

My plan is to be like Gene Hackman. Last month, the 81-year-old was riding his bicycle in South Florida when an errant motorist knocked him off his bike. Having the good fortune to land on a lawn, he was released from the hospital with only minor cuts and bruises. That’s what I want to be doing when I’m 80-something, riding my bike, that is, not necessarily being hit by a car.

5 Carl Heldmann { 02.29.12 at 9:52 am }

Love your writing. By the way, “excellent roasted lamb” is an oxymoron.

6 Kerry Reichart { 03.09.12 at 12:10 am }

You are so sweet — kind, funny, sweet, interesting, mesmerizing. All of the above.

7 Bert { 03.09.12 at 10:43 am }

To Kerry Reichart:

You’re either spam, or a great person.

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